ash wednesday & lent

My first exposure to the liturgical calendar was in college when I worked at our family business. The girls in the kitchen were all Catholic. They all made a sacrifice for Lent, and since we were friends, they assumed that I would make a sacrifice, as well. And I did. I liked the idea, plus we were friends. Since college I've given up something for Lent each year, including Diet Coke, chocolate, cheese, Facebook, desserts and television.

(Then there was the one time I gave up hitting my snooze button. It sounded like a good idea based on the success my friend, Betsy, had the year before. For me? Major fail. Major.)

A few years ago, I began working at an Episcopal school. For the first several months I really struggled through the weekly chapel services. It was just so different than anything I'd grown up with. Things were read. Prayers were spoken aloud, together. There was a prayer for everything. For this girl who couldn't successfully get through a responsive reading at the back of the Baptist Hymnal, it was very different. Plus reading prayers seemed quite impersonal and lacking in meaning. But then? Chapel became easier. I looked forward to it. I started to really love the readings by verse, as well as speaking prayers that are spoken by so many others in the Episcopal church who pray the same thing on the same day. The liturgy went from odd to okay to more-than-okay to meaningful and powerful.

As much as I began to enjoy chapel services, it took me about three years to walk forward on Ash Wednesday for black ashes to be smeared into the shape of a cross on my forehead. That year, the bishop began his homily. And the Lord began to do a work in my heart. Here's an excerpt of what he shared:

Why ashes? They are a sign of repentance, of sorrow and remorse for sins, of the elements from which we are composed and to which our bodies shall return. They are a way of getting in touch with our basic humanness. Ashes are messy. Sin is messy. The cross was messy. The flogging and the thorns were messy. ... We cannot hide our identity. The ashes mark us. The universal Christian mark of baptism is not always a visible sign, but until we wash the ashes off, our Ash Wednesday worship visibly marks us as Christian. Christians ought always to be visible ambassadors for Christ--acts of love, justice, and kindness should make us continually visible.

That homily, that day marked the first time I had ashes smeared on my forehead. It was and is and outward symbol that I am sinful and messy. I like the idea of acknowledging that, of confessing that. 

I walked away from the service this morning with ashes in the shape of a cross on my forehead. It caught some by surprise who didn't attend the service. It actually caught me by surprise the first time I saw myself in the mirror. The ashes were dark and imposing, even though my hair covered a portion of the cross. 

This is the first year in a long time that I hadn't decided what to sacrifice for Lent. I stopped drinking Diet Coke in January, so that's out. I've been quite disciplined in my nutrition lately, so that seems too easy. Of course I could give up social media, but that seems so cliche. I prayed about it throughout the day. The one question I continued to dwell on throughout the day is: how will I wake up different on Resurrection Sunday?

This is the first time I won't sacrifice something, rather I'll add a spiritual discipline. On Easter I want to wake up knowing Christ more, loving Him more, hoping to be more Christ-like. Though this has been accomplished over the past few years by sacrifice during Lent, over the next 40+ days, I'll focus on my relationship with Christ. I'll be more structured than simply reading my bible passage for the day. I'll read and journal, pray and meditate on the Word. If you don't typically observe Lent, this is an easy, non-scary way to jump in. Here are a few resources that you might find useful: Journey to the Cross, The Gospel Coalition; She Reads Truth; Ann Voskamp; Praying Lent, Creighton University.

"Lent isn't about forfeiting stuff as much as it is about spiritual formation."

--Ann Voskamp

reads for your weekend

In light of the goings on this week, here a few reads that made me think. Some of these are new reads; some I've read in the past months but find them appropriate for this week. As we remember and celebrate this Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday, I pray that God stirs your heart and draws you to Him. He's a great God, even though His followers aren't good. But some of us are trying. Even then our sinful nature pokes through. We try to do good, but we don't. This is nothing new.

For those who are hurting or feel ashamed or don't know what to believe or have been called an unbeliever or just want to go to the basement until the storm passes:

• The Basement Manifesto | Jen Hatmaker

(A follow-up to In the Basement, a favorite read.) 

This isn't some Christian commune. This is a way of representing the Gospel. It is about our hearts and words, reaching across party lines and believing that love is the most excellent way, even in the hard stuff. It's about becoming slave to everyone to win anyone to Christ--quite the opposite of "defending our rights" all the time. In the basement, people matter. All of them. And we've discovered that kindness and dignity do wonders for forging healthy dialogue, especially the difficult ones.  

• On Gay Marriage and God | Allison Woodard 

But if we can turn our attention away from these provocative comments and come alongside those who are earnestly and humbly seeking to know how to view this issue through the lens of Scripture with the help of the Spirit, I think there can be more to the conversation.  

• An Open Letter to Members & Supporters of the LBGT Community | in parvo

I want to sit down with you today in order to offer confession and repentance on behalf of myself and my Christian brothers and sisters, because I believe reconciliation begins with confession and repentance. Please understand that many Christians will never stop believing homosexuality to be sinful, but the topic of whether or not it is a sin before God is not something I am interested in discussing today. If I were to try to begin with that discussion, I would be struggling to see around the plank in my eye in order to evaluate, weigh, and measure the speck in yours.

• The Gay Community and That One Time Jesus Called Me the N-word | Sammy Adebiyi

Wanna hear something crazy? I made a bigger difference in the gay community through that one sermon than I have in over 10 years of ministry. Why? 

Because it was the first time I really cared about gay people and they could tell.
That night I shook hands, hugged and became friends with several gay people (most of who disagreed with me theologically). I also got emails from others who admitted they’ve always felt hated by Jesus and the church until that night. 

But Sammy, (what some of you are thinking right now), how do you love someone whose actions or behaviors you find really unacceptable?  How can I love someone who I believe is living in sin? Great question. Do your thing Mr. C.S Lewis. 

“There is someone that I love even though I don’t approve of what he does. There is someone I accept though some of his thoughts and actions revolt me. There is someone I forgive though he hurts the people I love the most. That person is……me.”
(If you can’t say amen, say ouch).

• Sex | Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary

But. If you've already gone down that path, you knocked boots, you got 'er done, you did the nasty.... and now you're not sure, or maybe you feel dirty and you're rocking the walk-of-shame-face day in and day out, you need to hear this -- I mean it, you really need to hear this...

You've had sex outside of marriage? *gasp* So what! You are so much more than your sexuality. And the God of the Universe, the one who turns whores into heroes, and drunks into prophets, and liars and murderers into leaders and kings - that God? He made peace with you and me and our promiscuous, pathetic attempts at love a long, long time ago. He gave you a Redeemer. Shame is no longer your burden. 

reads for your weekend

• And Then the Conference Uninvited Me to Speak by Jen Hatmaker

"I’m hungry for a church less known for sanctimony and more for their shocking intervention for hungry babies and human trafficking and racism and injustice. Christianity is too thrilling to reduce to middle/upper-middle class First World Problems, encapsulated in issues and gauged by a nebulous moral compass that lost its bearing decades ago.

• Failure to Thrive by Brandon Hatmaker 

"Every child deserves a family. If it can’t be through unification with biological parents, then it needs to be through a more rapid process for adoption. This stands in opposition to a long drawn out process taking an average of three or more years while the child remains institutionalized during their most significant developmental years."

• What I Want You to Know About Wanting a Baby by Rachel

"So, I want you to know that I’m not jealous. When I hold your baby, I don’t wish she was mine. When I hear that you’re expecting, I don’t envy you. When I see an ultrasound picture of your little life form, I don’t wish that image was nestled in my own uterus."

•  Confronting the Life: God won't give you more than you can handle by Nate Pyle

"It is easy to spout trite Christian platitudes designed to make people feel better with bumper-sticker theology. But insipid axioms do little in the face of the actual brokenness of the world."

"This particular statement, that 'God won’t give you more than you can handle,' isn't even in the Bible. There is a statement that sounds like it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” But notice that verse is about temptation. That’s it. You won’t be tempted beyond what you can stand up against. This text is not saying that you will not experience more than you can bear. That idea just isn't Biblical." 

• The Lord of the Rings vs. Foster Care & Adoption by Steve Rose

"...Treebeard answers, 'This is not our war.' Merry’s response is simple, and powerful – 'But you’re part of this world!'...We ARE part of this world, and as such are seen by God as part of the solution to things like foster care/adoption." 

• On Preparing for the Sabbath by Jennifer at Her Southern Charm

"I should have blocked off thirty minutes to an hour Saturday night and gotten those chores done. I should have done whatever I needed to do to pave the way for a morning of reconnecting with Him after a busy week and weekend."

• Ashamed by Rachel Held Evans 

"I am not ashamed of this great cloud of witnesses, kicking up dust ahead of me on the path. They are hermits and homemakers and sinners and saints and pilgrims and poets and mothers and activists and peacemakers and friends. They bind up wounds and stand up to bullies and offer rides and listen well and make meals and let things go and work hard and fail sometimes. But they keep telling the story--this story that sets both the oppressed and the oppressors free, this story that may even save me."

the election

After an almost five month break from blogging, it makes total sense that I'd write a post about something as controversial as politics. Here goes...

Tomorrow is an important day for our country. Although I am more than ready for this crazy election season to be over, I know that it'll be a few weeks before things die down, no matter the outcome. At least the bashing of both candidates will mostly be over. Until 6:30pm tomorrow, I'll be on a bus with 45 high school freshman; thankfully, my attention will be focused on something other than projected outcomes. My method to get through Election Day is to unplug. [Mom, I voted early.]

I hope that no matter the outcome, the leader--our President--will be respected and revered by all, but especially by believers in Christ. More importantly, I hope that Christ-followers, instead of lamenting or heartily rejoicing over the outcome will approach the throne of grace, covering our President with prayer. We're called to this, y'all; take a look at 1 Timothy 1:1-2 (NIV):

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people--for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

Praying for our leader doesn't have to include praying that all he wants will happen or that all of his legislation will be approved. I'm sure that by recalling each president, we can think of at least a half-dozen things with which we do not agree. We don't have to align our beliefs with our leader, and we certainly don't have to agree with all that they do. But it is important and Biblical that we lift them up in prayer. Without being a fan of a President, we can pray for wisdom, pray for blessings over him, pray for his family, his relationships, his safety, his stress level, his leadership. Pray for future Presidents. And even past Presidents.

I know we're in election season, so there's been lots of bashing going on. As Americans, we have the freedom to say what we think; praise God for that! Unfortunately, that means disparaging the President. The Bible is clear that we are not to speak harshly about our leader: You shall not revile God, nor curse a ruler of your people. ~Exodus 22:28 (ESV) There's an adage that floats around, "If you don't vote; you can't complain!" Mostly that's interpreted as: if I vote, I can say whatever I'd like about the office. But you know what? As a believer, you shouldn't. God is pretty clear about that.

Over the next days, be careful with your words. Be mindful to pray for our country, for our President-elect. Again, Paul writes in 1Timothy for "...petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving...for all those in authority..." That means interceding for Tuesday's President-elect that may not have received your vote. Our God is sovereign. Even with an outcome with which we don't see hope, He can move and work and do great things.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. ~Romans 13:1 (NIV)

an easter heart

Yesterday was my birthday. For the second time in five years, my birthday was on Easter. It had never happened before 2007 and won't happen again until 2091. I won't share my day again. And neither will the Lord--at least not with me. All last week I joked that no one remembers my birthday when it's on Easter. The focus in on Jesus. And rightfully so. I'm so insignificant when it comes to him.

I'm funny about my birthday. I don't want a big deal made over it. I like for friends to remember it, but I don't get offended if I'm forgotten. I don't publish the date on Facebook because I don't want 200+ birthday wishes from people who wouldn't know my birthday except for the little birthday reminder. This year, I am thankful for my family and a handful of friends who remembered.

Do you know what I like for my birthday? Besides something chocolate in the form of a cake? A new outfit. Something cute and spring-y. And maybe some new sandals. I mean, it's the beginning of April, after all. Do you know what I must have for Easter? Besides a basket with chocolate candy? You guessed it: a new dress.

On Friday afternoon, I ran by the mall to find a dress. I grabbed a half dozen possibilities and headed to the dressing room, not once looking at a price tag. Almost any price (within reason) would be justified by the fact that MY BIRTHDAY WAS ON EASTER. In actuality, I deserved two new things: one for my day and one for Easter. First world issue, I know. I found one dress that would work. It was cute, if a bit too long.

Then, my friend, Chandra, came over on Saturday morning. We hadn't seen each other in quite a while, but had no trouble talking for a few hours. We talked about everything we could think of: work, submission in marriage, children, spending time with the Lord, party planning, blogs we read. And then I recommended a book: Seven by Jen Hatmaker.

One of my sweet friends, Allison, sent me an email at the beginning of the year, recommending Seven. I quickly put it on my Amazon wish list. [Side note: when Allison and I ever live in the same state again, I will be ecstatic.] Then I started hearing about it from other people. And then Allison blogged about it. I caved to indirect--or non-existent--peer pressure and ordered it that day.

Turns out, Chandra had read about Seven on another blog. She knew about Jen Hatmaker and her radical-ish thinking. She'd read Jen's posts about Easter (here and here) that were on my list of things to read this weekend. And then she mentioned something about Jen not buying a special Easter dress. At this point, we proceeded to talk more about the book, but that whole no Easter dress thing really stuck with me.

As is typical, I tried on the new dress Saturday night. I looked in the mirror, at every angle. It was a weird length. Even Husby agreed. Ugh. I attempted to do a quick "hem" by bringing the waist up just a bit and securing it with safety pins. It didn't work. I removed the pins, folded the dress and placed it in the shopping bag to be returned.

But returning the dress is more than a weird length issue. It's a heart issue. I knew after hearing about Jen's decision that I'd return it. See, I grew up in a church where clothing seemed like a big deal. The church I attended as a single seemed to place a big emphasis on outer appearance. I have judged people for not wearing appropriate clothes to church. A few years ago, I MADE myself wear jeans to church week after week because I had a heart issue that needed to be worked out, and this was one step in the process.

The Easter dress issue seemed a repeat of the same heart issue. I've always had a new outfit for Easter. Everyone at church dresses in their finest that day. Everyone has something new. But this year, I didn't. I wore a three year old dress from my closet. And do you know? I'm pretty sure no one noticed. Mainly because I have NO CLUE if others were wearing new dresses or three year old dresses.

I'm sure that I'll have a few new outfits for the season. But it's not this dress, not for Easter. Slowly, I'm learning that Easter is just about Jesus. It isn't about baskets or egg hunts or pretty clothes. It's about Him, even when it's on my birthday in 2091, Easter--Resurrection Sunday--will still be about Jesus.

lent & easter

46 days ago, I gave up dessert for Lent. After tossing around several ideas, this pulled ahead as the winner. Now, this wasn't the first time I'd given up dessert. In a semi-regular rotation, I sacrifice dessert, caffeine and Diet Coke, with the occasional Mexican food and Facebook thrown in. Because what says sacrifice like 46 days without chips and hot sauce?

All in all, I did well. Except when I went on a work related trip to Jackson, Mississippi. The college that hosted a group of counselors wined and dined us. Literally. On the night of a progressive dinner, I just knew the dessert house would kill me. My only hope was that they would serve coffee. And they did. But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to try a mini pecan fried pie. I'm not sure why I was bent on tasting it since I DON'T EVEN LIKE PECAN PIE. But I did. Probably because I want to love all things in mini form. And if all pecan pie were that delightful, I'd quickly forget the time I suffered illness after eating pecan pie at my great-grandmother's house when I was four.

This resolution was easy. Not that sacrificing chocolate is easy, but it didn't need a lot of thought. It was more self-serving. Husby and I have a goal of cutting out sugar as much as possible, so why not do it at Lent? That's easy. Do it for Jesus. I might not stick to a New Years resolution, but I can stick to a Lenten resolution. Except in Jackson, Mississippi where fried pies are concerned.

Because it was easy and self-serving, my heart wasn't changed. And that's the ultimate goal during Lent: to wake up differently on Resurrection Sunday. At about Day 30, I knew that this was the wrong thing to sacrifice. I even told Husby. What's even worse? I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to change my resolution, but we decided we would stick by our original sacrifice. I ignored the Holy Spirit's call to spend time with Jesus. To know Him better. Mind you, I could have added this in addition to sacrificing sugary treats.

Today at church, we continued our study in Acts. I love a verse by verse study of the Bible, so I was ready to continue. There were verses to be underlined and notes to be written in the margins of my Bible. Acts 7: bring it.

And, oh, it was brought. I underlined one verse: You always resist the Holy Spirit. I wrote one word: Yikes. Seriously?! I've read Acts before, and I do not remember that verse being there! I don't know if I've ever been so convicted. I was disobedient. I resisted the urging of the Holy Spirit. Multiple times. Dang it. The wonderful part of this story is that even in blatant disobedience, I'm forgiven. He became the sacrifice for my sin, for my disobedience, when he was nailed to a cross and rose three days later. Oh, praise Him!

Over the next few weeks, day by day, I want to be obedient in his calling for me to spend time in the Word. I want to know Jesus better. I want to learn how he loved people so that I can love people better. I want to know how to love people like me who ignore him. I want my heart to be like his.

why ashes?

Ashes are messy; sin is messy. These words have been unforgettable since I heard them this morning. They were spoken, with love and conviction, by a beloved, retired Episcopal bishop who took time to explain the significance of ashes. He didn't assume that we knew, although many did.

This was my first time to participate in an Ash Wednesday service. To be honest, I really didn't have a desire to participate. I didn't know what to expect. I feel like I've embraced other parts of the Episcopal worship service during my time at a school of the denomination. I love the liturgy, the act of corporate worship. I love the act of coming forward for communion and using real wine to intinct (dip) the bread. I love reciting the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles' Creed. But ashes seemed to take it a step past my comfort zone.

When I sat down with my program in hand, I didn't intend to go forward to receive a cross of ashes, or even a blessing. I decided that listening to and reciting Psalms of confession would be good enough to prepare my heart for the Lenten season. (I've participated in Lent for about a decade, sometimes I'm more successful at my sacrifice or added discipline than others.) But then the bishop read a passage about the significance of ashes. And I felt a stir in my heart...the stirring that only the Holy Spirit can accomplish.

As I sat and waited for 200+ students to receive ashes, I thought and had a sweet time with the Lord. I wanted to search my heart and determine why I didn't want to receive a cross of ashes: Was it just because it took me out of my comfort zone? Was it just a little "too Episcopalian" for me? Sadly, it wasn't either of these. I didn't want to participate in this tradition because I didn't want ashes on my forehead all day. I was worried about what others would think. I didn't want to have to explain the mark on my forehead to those unfamiliar with the tradition. This is where the Holy Spirit softly whispered in my heart that the way I deal with sin is all too similar. I don't like confession. I don't want others to know the rotten parts of my life.

So, I went forward and my first cross of ashes was placed on my forehead. The service ended shortly thereafter, and I went to back to my office. My day was busy. Within just a few hours, I'd completely forgotten about the cross of ashes on my brow. Again, conviction of the Holy Spirit stirred within my heart. All too often, I disregard the sin in my life. The messy parts. I get busy and move in the hurried pace of life, ignoring the glaring blackness in my life.

This day has been a day of reflection and repentance. My heart has broken from my own selfishness and pride a few times. I hope that these days of Lent will prepare my heart for the celebration of our King.

the nativity

In my small hometown, a debate is brewing. Petitions are floating around. Friendships are being strained. No doubt you’ve heard this story—or one very similar: the nativity on the town square must be removed. A letter was received, written on the behalf of a citizen of the county, stating that the display isn’t constitutional. And do you know what? I agree. It isn’t. Feel free to have one in your yard (and I hope those who are fighting so hard DO have a nativity in the yard!) or have a creche at your church, but not on government property.

I know; it’s likely that I’m a believer in Christ who’s in the minority. And I know that some might call my faith into question. That’s okay. Others might not go so far, but would accuse me of allowing “them” to take Christ out of Christmas. I’m not. I love Him. That baby in the manger.

Earlier this week, my boss gave me a Christmas IQ Quiz. [Side note: I work at a Christian school.] Before he gave it to me, he predicted that I wouldn’t do better than 50 on the quiz. I was just certain he was wrong. Really wrong. I mean, I grew up going to church. I know multiple verses to dozens of Christmas carols. I’ve been an angel in church programs and stood proudly on the third level from the top of our singing Christmas tree. I was certain that I could score an 85 or better. I know Christmas!

Guess what? He was wrong. And so was I. I scored 55. The word you’re looking for is: seriously?! I mean I’ve sung the “Hallelujah Chorus” more times than I can count! I don’t even need the music in front of me, and I haven’t performed it for at least 6 years. That’s how many programs I’ve been part of! Although they bring such joy, it’s made the facts of the real story a little hazy for me. As I answered some of the questions on this Christmas IQ quiz, I sang verses to Christmas songs in my head. Christmas songs are accurate, aren’t they? It turns out that they aren’t always correct.

How much do you know about the birth of Christ? When was the last time you read the story out of the Bible, without adding details about the story? Before you look at these questions, I’d love for you to read the story of the birth of Jesus from Matthew and Luke. And I certainly hope that some of you know more than I did!

1.    Baby Jesus was born in a ______________? We don’t know. We only know that he was laid in a manger. The Bible never talks about a barn. What if the trough was shoved under an eave of the inn? Maybe it was used by little goats that provided milk for the inn and took shelter by the building. We don’t know. Maybe Joseph—being the [probably scared] teenager that he was—found a few rough-hewn pieces of wood to lean together to make some sort of a shelter for his young wife-to-be who was birthing a Savior. (See Luke 2:7)

2.    What animals were at the birth of Jesus? Sure, there are always an ox, donkey, camel and sheep in the nativity scene, but were they next to the manger? We don’t know. Maybe there were none. Or maybe there were noisy goats and chickens who made a huge mess!

3.    “…the little Lord, Jesus no crying he makes” Did baby Jesus cry? We know that Jesus was fully man and fully God. He cried as an adult, so why wouldn’t he cry as a baby?

4.    How many Wise Men / Kings / Magi were there? We always had three in our Christmas programs, but we have no idea how many came—only that three gifts were brought. This one got me! And they arrived much later than the birth night—they had a long way to travel. (See Matthew 2:11)

Honestly, after I took this quiz, I was a little embarrassed. I wanted to know more about THE story. The REAL story of the birth of Christ. So I read it, in both Matthew and Luke. And I read it again. Then, I wanted to know who came up with the idea of a nativity scene. The designer of the first nativity is a favorite for me: St. Francis of Assisi. It seems he took a creative license in 1223 and strayed a little from the story that’s in the Bible, adding kings and animals galore. Can you guess what his goal was in 1223? To switch the focus at Christmastime from secular materialism to Christ. Can you believe it? I think we live in a lavish time, but he was concerned 800 years ago!

Why is the nativity scene still so popular? Is it to nudge us away from the material aspects of Christmas? Because, really, it doesn’t do that for me. I know; I’m just being honest. The scene with Mary, Joseph, Jesus and a throng of animals, shepherds, angels and kings is expected. In fact, I’ve been on the hunt for years for the “perfect” nativity for our house. For me, it’s a tradition. First, put up the tree; then set up the nativity.

So why the fight to keep this scene on a courthouse square? For me, if it comes down, Christ doesn’t come out of my Christmas because Christ is Christmas.

Christ is Christmas.

Is the energy given to fighting this worth it? Or could it be better spent? What if we loved people who haven’t felt worthy of love in some time? What if our families took an extra angel off of an angel tree and forfeited a bit of our excessive Christmas? What if a group of friends gathered all of the “fixings” for Christmas dinner for a family in need? Or co-workers bought a Christmas tree with dozens of ornaments and twinkle lights to anonymously leave for a family that doesn’t have that joy this year? What if we, as Christians, did Christ-like things for the hurting and poor? Do we really need an inaccurate nativity scene to make Christ’s love more real? I don’t think so.

Be careful, brothers- and sisters-in-Christ, when you respond to others about this. Don't be mean-spirited. Yesterday, I saw hateful comments posted on websites that have reported this story, replying awfully to those who don't believe in Jesus. Today, I saw a picture of a banner suggesting that those who don't believe in Christ leave our country. The baby in the manger—the one you're fighting for—wouldn't have responded this way. Our Living Savior loves "them." Those people who hate Him. He loves those who don't know Him. We're commanded to love these people, and He loves us when we don't love others. Let others see Christ through you. Let them want to know about this baby who became our Savior and King. Love "them" like Christ loves us.

Christ is love. Christ is Christmas.

{Please know that it took several days for me to process this. I have prayed over this, wanting this post to be more than words. I want this ultimatum given to remove the nativity to spur Christians to love more and more. Let's take it down and SHOW our neighbors the love of Christ. It means more than a plastic baby Jesus in a manger. I know that not everyone—or perhaps anyone—will agree. Also, I love comments! If you choose to leave one, and if that comment it hateful or snarky or calls my faith into question, I will remove it.}

Thankfulness: Days 22-24

A spirit of thankfulness, not just for 24 or 30 days, but always.

It's a condition of the heart. But I often get busy and my heart doesn't dwell on thankfulness.

In Psalms, David cries out to the Lord over and over, lamenting.

But he continues to give thanks again and again.

As Thanksgiving Day is gone for another year, I want to remain thankful.

I will give thanks to the LORD according to His righteousness

And will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

Psalm 7:17

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving,

Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

Psalm 95:2

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good,

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.Psalm 107:1

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks through Him to God the Father.Colossians 3:17

...in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.1 Thessalonians 5:18

Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might,

be to our God forever and ever. Amen.

Revelation 7:12

Thankful: Day 13

I am thankful for the command to observe the Sabbath.

To rest. To reflect. To be restored.

Unfortunately, I don't always do it.

I have things to accomplish.

Things that seem more important than renewal.

Currently, I have a list to complete:

straighten the house, wash the last two loads of clothes,

change the sheets on our bed, partially pack for a work trip, vacuum...

the list goes on. And so could I.

But I've decided to sit and rest. To reflect. To write and remember.

To connect with friends with notes actually mailed to them. To pray for these friends.

To drink a cup of vanilla caramel tea while rosemary apple butter simmers on the stove.

This afternoon, I'm observing the Sabbath.

In this light the Sabbath prescription is a loving reminder to take full advantage of a condition that already exists. At rest, our souls are restored. This is the only commandment that begins with the word “remember,” as if it refers to something we already know, but have forgotten. It is good. It is whole. It is beautiful. In our hurry and worry and acquiring and working, we forget. Rest, take delight in the goodness of creation, and remember how good it is.

~Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller



Thankful: Day 12

I am so thankful for songs that bring me closer to the throne of Christ.

This is one of my favorites.

Captivate Us

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer, oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence, falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer, O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You

Thankful: Day 10

I go back and forth with my thankfulness.

Am I really thankful?

Honestly, I feel superficial in my thanksgiving.

I've been keeping up with the Compassion Bloggers who are in Ecuador.

I'm consumed and convicted by the stories they tell and the pictures on their blogs.

The faces in these pictures, they're powerful.

The conditions in which they live are heart-breaking to me.

But not to them.

They're thankful for what they have.

Thankful for a roof to cover their heads,

even though shreds of glass litter the low lying roofs to keep thieves away.

Thankful for the potatoes and pigs they're able to sell to provide for the family.

Thankful for a job, even though a single mom is away from her children for 14 hours a day.

Thankful for $200 a month income.

And ever so thankful when a child receives a Compassion sponsor.

I can't even fathom it.

And yet these sweet people are thankful.

Through this month of figuring out how to give thanks,

my heart is being molded by the Father.

I'm learning what thankfulness is.

And what it isn't.

I'm thankful that we have resources to give to Compassion kids.

Thankful that we have two of our very own--who live in Thailand.

Regretful that I am not a more active Compassion sponsor.

Thankful that my heartstrings are being pulled to pray for and encourage "our kids."

Do you have a little extra money to give each month?

Do you sponsor a child through Compassion?

If not, here's how.

Thankful: Day 8

Today, I don't feel super thankful.

Is that bad to say? Probably.

I just can't think of a "great" thing.

Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for,

but I don't want my month of thankfulness to feel like a month of things I like best, forgetting the rest.

I don't want to brag about what I have, lest I covet what I don't have.

I don't want to only acknowledge the things that make my life more comfortable.

Or the situations that I adore and are easy.

 

I feel like I shouldn't be thankful only for the things that are going right;

actually, I know that I shouldn't be thankful only for the good and right and fair.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says:

 

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

 

Thankfulness obviously isn't supposed to be observed only for a month--or a day.

But in a society where thankfulness often is equated with possessions,

it's nice to shine light on what makes us thankful.

I know that I don't live like this regularly. I should, but I don't.

This is my confession.

 

I am thankful for a God who loves me, even when I don't thank Him enough.

And when I don't thank him for what he's supplied? He still loves me.

For that, I am thankful.

Thankful: Day 3

I am thankful for a God who loves me, who is my King.

Even when I fail to treat him as such.

I am thankful for a God who hears my prayers.

I am thankful when my prayers are answered to my liking.

I am thankful when they are not, even though my heart might hurt.

I am thankful for a God who is always present.

In the good and in the great.

And in the bad.

Especially when we feel like we don't deserve something in life.

Who deserves it, really? Non-Christians who have no hope?

And do we want what we really deserve?

Even when his children are hurting, he is there.

His heart breaks with ours.

I am thankful that he is my Comforter.

I am thankful that he is my joy.

He is Redeemer.

He is sovereign.

He is loving.

He is just.

He is wise.

And, since the Bible is truth and we're created in the image of God,

then I think he is a fun God who enjoys laughter.

For all of these, I am thankful.

{This morning I read Ann Voskamp's blog.

"When You Desperately Want God to Hear Your Prayers" is so very powerful.}

a challenge

This week, I've read a handful of blog posts about spending quality time with the Lord. Or for me, more accurately, NOT spending quality time with the Lord. I grew up going to church quite often. Twice on Sundays and Wednesday nights. As a college student and adult, I stayed in church, for the most part. But I'm afraid that often--for me--church replaces relationship. This isn't good.

Most often, spending time with the Lord daily isn't a priority. I want it to be, but I just struggle with it remaining a priority. You know, things get in the way. Things like facebook, blogging, reading, watching TV, hanging out with friends. These all seem to get pushed to the top of the list. If you looked at a log of how I spend my day, you'd think that I cared more about these things than cultivating a relationship with Christ.

This is a quote from Nancy Leigh DeMoss (found through Jess' page) that just resonates with me:

(Speaking of Nancy Leigh DeMoss, if you haven't read Brokenness, you should. It's amazing. I probably need to re-read it.)

I want it to be priority. So for the next 30 days, I'm joining a challenge to spend quality time with the Lord. Since I have summer hours at work (I don't go in until 9), I plan to do this in the mornings.

If you're up for it, you should join the challenge.

One last quote that is really powerful for me (and feels like a sock to the gut each time I read it), from John Piper:

Learning During Lent

This year, for Lent, I gave up facebook. For the first two weeks, all I wanted to do was write on this blog about HOW HARD IT WAS. But I was convited that complaining about sacrifice is not the purpose of sacrifice. So I refrained. And writer's block set in. Thus my lag in blogging (if you were wondering).

Overall, signing off of facebook for 50 plus days was the best thing I've done in a long time. It was a hard decision. I'm always tempted to give up something that won't be challening. (Like not eating English peas or cooked carrots. No problem there since I don't care for either!) But I KNEW that the Lord was urging me to change my focus drastically. I think that you could call my obsession with facebook an addiction. I had a discussion with my advisory group at school that it's automatic to sign into facebook whenever a computer is near--and sometimes we don't remember getting there. Yikes!

So on March 9, I signed out of facebook and Husby changed my password. Although temptation was abundant, there was NO WAY I could sign on. Initially, I had an issue with asking for help from him since it removed an element of self-control from the sacrifice, but later decided that it's okay to have help from others when a change needs to be made.

During my time away, we bought a house (which we found in the first few days away). I feel like the Lord blessed this sacrifice. Does he always bless when we sacrifice? Probably not. Would we have found the house if I'd been on facebook? Maybe so. Will I only sacrifice in order to receive a blessing? No way. But I do feel that this is a gift from Him for obedience.

And OH IT WAS HARD when we hit snags in being approved for our mortgage! I came up with clever status updates that I could have posted IF I'D ONLY BEEN ABLE, but I wasn't. I wanted so badly to type a snide comment, but I couldn't. Each time I felt frustrated, my option was to pray about it. I've felt REALLY convicted about this. How often do I turn to facebook or a friend or my husband about a problem before I turn to my God?

Some gave me a hard time--in love, I'm sure--about not being on facebook. I laughed it off. After a couple of weeks of not accessing it approxmiately 3843 times a day, I was out of the loop. Honesly, it was nice. Since Lent ends on Easter--in celebration--I could have signed on as soon as I woke up. Again, I was convicted that the celebration isn't about what we get back that day--in terms of our sacrifice. We celebrate because Jesus rose from the grave; we get our lives back in return for his sacrifice. I decided that I'd sign on that evening, after we'd spent time at church and with friends and family. When I did, I was bored. Since Sunday, I've signed on probably once a day.

For now, it's lost its luster. And I hope that it doesn't become the focus that it was before the sacrifice. I fear that I substitute my "friendships" on facebook for relationships in real life. And relationships are so important to me. I want to talk to people and to write letters and notes of encouragement and not comment on a funny status. I know that taking a [hopefully permanent] step back might mean that I don't know about the fun, daily things in the life of my [actual] friends, but that'll have to be okay. I want to invest in lives and not facebook.

I remember several years ago--before facebook--when my friend, Allison and me would send each other funny cards. I loved choosing the cards and writing a special note, and I loved receiving a special piece of mail addressed to me and not a bill or a piece addressed to "Current Resident." But life has gotten busy, and I've forgotten how sweet a card can be.

My goal is to send handwritten notes to my friends. Hopefully one each week. I have stamps and cute cards. Now, I have time to write without the ever-present facebook.

Lent & Shopping

Growing up in a Baptist church, we didn't acknowledge Lent. It just isn't practiced. I think the first time I heard about it was in college. I worked for my mom, and her Hispanic employees asked me what I planned to give up for Lent. I was challenged. Although I still didn't know exactly what Lent was, I did understand the premise of sacrifice. I knew that if it was important to these girls that I needed to do it. I'm pretty sure I gave up chocolate. H.A.R.D., also known as sacrifice.

It's been about ten years since I first started practicing Lent. And I've learned so much more about it. Now, I work at an Episcopal school where we have weekly chapel. Truth be told, I didn't enjoy chapel the first few months. It was so different than my "normal." But now, I really like it; I even look forward to it. I love certain prayers. I love the Apostles' Creed (and get a little giddy each time it's said). I love Eucharist. I love the thought that each person participating in that service on Thursdays is saying the exact same prayer. And now it's time for Lent.

A month ago, I thought I'd give up Diet Coke for Lent. I seriously had a problem. That was resolved ahead of time. I thought I might do it anyway; it'd be easy. But since Lent involves preparation for Easter, including through self-denial, I figured I should do something that will benefit me. Guess what I picked? The thing that takes up WAY to much time in my life:

That's right. I won't be on facebook for 46 days. I even deleted the app from my iPhone to avoid  temptation. Day one hasn't been super-challenging in the disconnection aspect (although I have been shopping all day). But when I get onto my computer, it's automatic for me to type "fa", hit the down arrow once and arrive at facebook. (I had a conversation with some of my students about this. We all seemed to think it's a little strange to sit down at a computer and stare at facebook without any recollection of going to the site.)

So, if you need me, you can email me or call me or text me or comment here.

(Oh, I have one caveat. I plan to go onto my account and disable my wall on my upcoming birthday. It's a whole other issue, but I don't care for 200 "friends" to wish me a good day. With that many posts, the important wishes get lost. If you are my friend and want to offer birthday wishes, text me or call me. Or send a great gift.)

Today I went shopping with my mom and mother-in-law. We shopped until we dropped. Almost literally for me. I don't always wear appropriate footwear, so my little feet were tired. My mother-in-law is able to shop at Dallas Market Center--where retailers buy their merchandise. Guess what I picked out? Christmas stuff! I have absolutely NO MORE ROOM for Christmas decorations, but I'll worry about that in a few months when it's shipped.

After Market, we lunched (very late) at Taverna. Oh, it was so YUMMY. We each ordered something different and shared. I had little pasta "pillows" filled with Gorgonzola cheese and pears topped with a cream sauce, arugula and walnuts. The two other dishes were penne with tomatoes and basil and butternut squash tortellini with fried sage. They were all amazing. We splurged with dessert and coffee, and then headed for a little more shopping at Sur la Table and Pottery Barn. In order to balance the Christmas decorations bought earlier in the day, I practiced self-control and purchased only one thing. We've been talking about it for almost 1.5 years of marriage, every time we have a watery salad, so I finally bought a salad spinner. But not just any salad spinner, I found a collaspible salad spinner.

I'm thinking functional and easy to store. Husby will love this combo. Unlike our new Christmas decorations. He just doesn't understand cute, non-functional items. Luckily he has me, both cute and functional. Now, I can make even better salads. And have an even cuter house at Christmas.

Wide Wide World of Web

Because it's Wednesday.

And I can't really function well because all I can think about is Christmas break.

And I still have 8 days to go. (Actually, I think it's 7.5, but since I have to wake up on at dark on these days, I'm counting all 8 days.)

I've decided to share a few links.

Enjoy.

1. This video is hilarious. Who knew that ducklings would do this in the wind?!

2. One of my students wore some oh-so-cute earrings yesterday. I hadn't seen anything like them. She shared with me the gloriousness of What's In Store, a cute boutique in Franklin, Tennessee. Since I live about ten hours away, it's a good thing they have an online store. Visit What's In Store here.

3. My BFF-west-of-DFW, Patti, hounded me for WEEKS to listen to Mark Driscoll's Peasant Princess sermon series. I finally caved and downloaded four podcasts for my trip last week. Oh. My. Word. They are so good. I've heard approximately 128 sermons on Song of Songs, but this is so different. I can't wait to listen to more in this series, and I can't wait for Husby to hear these. I'm thinking of taking a road trip just so we can listen to them. Yeah. They're that good. You can find them here. Mars Hill has an iPhone app, so you can always pull up a sermon to listen. So nice!

4. And while you're at it, ladies, I highly recommend his Marriage and Women sermon; listen to it here. As I looked for that, I found others about women: Women and Femininity, Women as Homebuilders, Women as Wives. I think I know what I'm doing over Christmas break.

That's it for today. Be a blessing!

Prayers, please...

Hello, all. I'm enjoying Thanksgiving break this week. It's such a great perk of working in the education system. Actually enjoying might not be the proper word; I'm getting caught up on doctor's visits (wisdom teeth problems, still). But to have a week off to do these things is just glorious. I'm actually blogging tonight, tired after putting up our Christmas tree with 23 dozen ornaments (not really an exaggeration). But my heart is heavy, and I'd love for you to join me in praying for a friend.

Lindsey and I served together during our single days, planning events for our singles group. I hope you've visited her blog, Pleasant Drive. (Here's the link--or you can access it easily anytime from the menu on the right side of my blog.) Lindsey is a woman of God whose faith and love for Him is just amazing. As an young woman, she's a two-time survivor of breast cancer (diagnosed at 25 and 26). If there's one thing that I learned as I prayed with her through her second diagnosis last year, it is to be bold with your prayers as you petition our Lord. Here's a verse that I'd heard, but never fully comprehended until that time:

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence,

so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:15-16

Today, Lindsey was diagnosed with a brain tumor on her frontal lobe. On Wednesday, she will have brain surgery to remove the tumor. Let's intercede on behalf of Lindsey, her husband, Brian, and their families. Jehovah Rapha (the Lord who heals) healed Lindsey's body twice from cancer. I believe that he has a plan for Lindsey's life. I believe the life of faith she's lived is a testimony like none other. Let's pray hard. Let's pray confidently.

Pray for healing.

Pray for wisdom for the doctor's.

Pray for steady hands during the procedure.

Pray for complete removal of the tumor without any ill effects.

Pray as Lindsey, Brian, and her doctor's create a treatment plan.

Pray that Lindsey and Brian will feel an overwhelming peace from our God.

Pray that their families will be comforted during this time.

Pray that Lindsey and Brian's young marriage will only grow stronger through this.

Pray that Lindsey and Brian will seek Christ during this time.

Brian & Lindsey (a great picture totally stolen from her facebook page!)

Thanks for interceding, friends. Have a great holiday week!

Life

I cannot BELIEVE that we're almost a full week into October. Time is flying! I don't think I've ever been so incredibly busy. Most of my days are 10 hour days at work, sometimes longer, and there's ALWAYS more to do at home. But I love it. I LOVE college application season. It's crazy and hectic, but it's my job to remain calm and supportive and keep my game face on so that my seniors won't flip out. I love having six kids in my office at a time. I [secretly] love answering 18 questions per minute. I love when they eat all of the candy corn out of my candy dish--mostly so I don't eat it.

Since I started getting up before 5am about three days a week for a workout, I've lost my ability to sleep late. It's a sad thing, really. On Saturday mornings, I'm ready to go by 7, if not before. And then this morning...this I think I became an adult. I've always felt like there would be SOMETHING that makes me feel grown-up. I haven't found it until today; it's not paying bills or guiding 46 seniors through 250 college applications by various deadlines. I've been told repeatedly that having kids doesn't really do the trick, either. Do you know what it is? Waking up on a non-workout day at 5:24am and thinking, "I could get the kitchen cleaned and several loads of clothes washed." AND THEN ACTING ON IT. That's right girls, I found the rite of passage. And I passed through. Scary.

If you haven't seen this video, your heart will be blessed to hear her story. Gianna Jessen is a survivor of a late-term, saline abortion. I searched, but couldn't find a video with both parts that actually works; so you have it in two parts. Gianna is speaking in Victoria, Australia on the eve of the debate to decriminalize abortion in Victoria. I love when she says, "What sort of man do you want to be? A man obsessed with your own glory or a man obsessed with the glory of God?" Wow. Amazing. Powerful. Convicting. Just watch.