so here's what happened (ivy's birth story)

This post has been months in the making. But the whole thing of actually having a baby to care for every day makes it tough to sit down and write. I've been asked frequently what "happened." It seemed like Ivy was suddenly introduced on Facebook as being early and tiny. So here's what happened...

At 30 weeks, the ultrasound indicated that baby was small. Like really small. Like in the 3rd percentile. So we were referred to a specialist in Dallas. We saw him a few times. He concurred that baby was small, but seemed healthy. We/she/I was diagnosed with IUGR--Intrauterine Growth Retardation. Most often it's an issue with the placenta. The doctor's felt like this was a placenta issue, and not another underlying issue that caused baby to stop growing. He predicted that at 30 weeks she weighed about 3 pounds.

We had goals. Make it to 31 weeks. Then 34. Then 37. We had two ultrasounds each week to make sure no other issues popped up. At 31 weeks, my blood pressure (which was perfect the entire pregnancy) went up a little. I tested for preeclampsia. The results were better than good. The doctor decided that my blood pressure was just a bit high during pregnancy. A little over a week later, I did another test, and the results were still good. I had an ultrasound at the end of my 34th week and my blood pressure was still high. The doctor told me to come in the following Monday, just to make sure things were OK.

That weekend I had a baby shower. Then my parents and my in-laws came over that Sunday to help us get things in place and the nursery put together. And are we ever glad that happened! On Monday afternoon, my doctor sent me to the hospital to do a third test for preeclampsia and to monitor the baby overnight. I rushed home to get a bag packed and reported to the hospital. I got my bracelet, put on my gown and cried as they blew a vein inserting the I.V. I'd just started week 35 and expected to be sent home on bed rest if my results showed preeclampsia. No big deal. I'd just binge watch a million series on Netflix.

My results came back on Tuesday evening. I had severe preeclampsia. Like so bad they weren't releasing me from the hospital. Because baby was tiny, she would need a NICU. I would need to transfer hospitals. I had to wait about an hour for the ambulance, so I pleaded with the nurse to let me shower, even though I needed to be in bed. She agreed to it, if I did it super quickly. I did. And then I rode ONE BLOCK in an ambulance to the hospital with a NICU. Oh. my. word. You truly can see each hospital from the other; they are SO close.

Once I got there and was set up in my room, my doctor came to see me. She let me know that they would deliver the baby at 4pm the next day. Knowing that I'd be on magnesium for 24 hours after the delivery (to treat preeclampsia), I absolutely hated the thought of waiting hours and hours to get that 24 hours started. I cried and begged her to move it up. The operating room was booked all day until then, so there was no flexibility.

Thankfully, Jeremy stayed with me that night. At 4am--less than six hours after I'd arrived in my room--three nurses bolted into the room, turned on all the lights and said, "It's go time!" Baby's heart rate decelerated three times. That's enough to getcha into the operating room sooner! They prepped me for the C-section in my room and on the way to the OR. (Side note: when we toured the hospital during our birthing class, the OR was freezing. But when your baby is headed to the NICU, it's heated!) Jeremy called our parents, and then came into the OR once things were ready to go.

At 5:05am, our sweet baby girl was born, wrapped up in her umbilical cord. She weighed 2 pounds, 14 ounces and was 15 inches long. Such a tiny thing! The NICU team did their preliminary checks, and then brought her to see us. It was my one glance for 24 hours. We were separated. She was in the NICU; I was being treated with magnesium. Neither of us were stable enough to visit the other. Of all the pain I experienced with surgery, the emotional pain of separation was the worst of all. For the most part, my mom stayed with me while Jeremy stayed with the baby. (She still wasn't named at this point!) I saw pictures, but she was under the bili lights, so I never really saw her.

At 5am the next morning--after firing one of my nurses for being awful and mean--I woke up sick. Two nurses came in, turned off the magnesium and morphine, and told me that it was time to shower, and then meet my baby. They did most of the work getting me ready to go, but I was willing to do most anything to get to my girl. The wheelchair ride down the long halls to the NICU was quiet. Once I got into her dark little room, I was able to touch her through the isolette while she was sleeping. The nurse shared when we'd be able to hold her. Because of the bilirubin therapy, we'd only be able to hold her for about 15 minutes a few times a day. It was excruciating, but some was better than none.

We were able to get some rest and food once in my swanky new room. (Which happened to cost more than any hotel we've ever stayed in.) At the appropriate time, we made it back down to the NICU. And then we talked names. We'd had it narrowed down to just a few. I'd hoped that when I saw her again, something would click, but it was still difficult. We both decided that we loved Ivy Beatrix. She had a name.

Dollar used for size perspective. She was so teeny tiny!

(Come to think of it, it may have taken an extra day to choose a name. The days definitely run together!)

(I just remember the clerk being SUPER put out with me for not having a name until Friday. Apparently that's unacceptable, and every other baby born on Wednesday had a name.)

(That didn't make it happen any faster.)

So that's how her story began. I'll share more about our 19 days in the NICU and her amazing progress. (Preview: she has some chunky thighs!)

a little too fluffy: an intro

If you're one of the ten or so long-time readers of my blog, you know that posts the last year have been spotty, at best. I've struggled with knowing what I want to post and living a relatively boring life. I'm guessing you don't want to know about how much I love Downton Abbey after binge-watching almost every episode since January. (I have four to go in the fourth season, so no spoilers, puh-lease.) Or about how my husband and our BFFs made me watch all of the Harry Potter movies in a six month period and I LOVED THEM so much. Basically, I love television and movies. That's not great blog content.

And here's the deal: I don't take pictures. Of course, sitting on the couch watching television for how ever many hours we've done is a bit boring. But the real reason is that I don't like myself in pictures. Since getting married, I've put on some happy weight. In fact, I put on way too much. We have approximately 12 pictures of years 2-4 of our adventures. And we do some fun stuff! I mean, we have scenery, but none of us. Because I don't want to be in them. I haven't wanted to look at me.

I'd had enough of that so mid-December, I joined Weight Watchers. I'd done it before, and it worked. I lost weight over the entire holiday season. Which is nuts. Then I lost weight over Valentine's Day and my birthday. I enjoyed all of these, but had so much more control over food. And believe me, I ate. I keep Trader Joe's Cookie Butter in my pantry, so I'm not surviving on dry chicken and broccoli. I'm not that person!

Now that spring is here (or not since it's chilly again), and I've been doing this for five months, my motivation is lagging a  bit. And I desperately want to shed another ten pounds before our summer vacation in mid-June. So this week on Instagram, I saw the call to join A Little Too Fluffy. It's a little weight loss competition.

Y'all. This is totally out of character for me. But it isn't the first thing I've done this year that qualifies as such. Which is probably why I joined--I have a bit more confidence. But still, it makes me nervous! I lose weight suuu-per slowly. It's frustrating sometimes, but I've learned it's the way my body works. So, the likelihood of me taking home any dollars at the end is pretty dang low. Also, it's really a challenge for me to be honest about these things. Although I'm a (neglectful) blogger, I'm reserved and a low-discloser. Maybe this is what I need, though, to make sure I'm actually IN pictures this summer, documenting a fun trip.

A Little Too Fluffy starts today. It runs for six weeks. We weigh in on Friday mornings. I'll do all of my weigh-ins as part of my Weight Watchers meeting. As of today, I've lost just over 20 pounds! I'm really happy with that number. Honestly, I thought about doing something to tip the scales in my favor and make it look like I weighed more today. But I didn't! In fact, I was so excited about my weight loss this week that I wanted to go as soon as I weighed at home!

My plan is to post about this journey a couple of times each week. But I'll for sure be posting pictures on Instagram. Even if you're not part of the actual group, consider joining along.

Here are my goals for this week:
1. Eat whole, unprocessed foods. (Any Weight Watcher knows the ease of pre-packaged stuff! Our farmer's market opens tomorrow. I plan to be there early!)

2. Workout three times.

3. Try a new recipe.

ash wednesday & lent

My first exposure to the liturgical calendar was in college when I worked at our family business. The girls in the kitchen were all Catholic. They all made a sacrifice for Lent, and since we were friends, they assumed that I would make a sacrifice, as well. And I did. I liked the idea, plus we were friends. Since college I've given up something for Lent each year, including Diet Coke, chocolate, cheese, Facebook, desserts and television.

(Then there was the one time I gave up hitting my snooze button. It sounded like a good idea based on the success my friend, Betsy, had the year before. For me? Major fail. Major.)

A few years ago, I began working at an Episcopal school. For the first several months I really struggled through the weekly chapel services. It was just so different than anything I'd grown up with. Things were read. Prayers were spoken aloud, together. There was a prayer for everything. For this girl who couldn't successfully get through a responsive reading at the back of the Baptist Hymnal, it was very different. Plus reading prayers seemed quite impersonal and lacking in meaning. But then? Chapel became easier. I looked forward to it. I started to really love the readings by verse, as well as speaking prayers that are spoken by so many others in the Episcopal church who pray the same thing on the same day. The liturgy went from odd to okay to more-than-okay to meaningful and powerful.

As much as I began to enjoy chapel services, it took me about three years to walk forward on Ash Wednesday for black ashes to be smeared into the shape of a cross on my forehead. That year, the bishop began his homily. And the Lord began to do a work in my heart. Here's an excerpt of what he shared:

Why ashes? They are a sign of repentance, of sorrow and remorse for sins, of the elements from which we are composed and to which our bodies shall return. They are a way of getting in touch with our basic humanness. Ashes are messy. Sin is messy. The cross was messy. The flogging and the thorns were messy. ... We cannot hide our identity. The ashes mark us. The universal Christian mark of baptism is not always a visible sign, but until we wash the ashes off, our Ash Wednesday worship visibly marks us as Christian. Christians ought always to be visible ambassadors for Christ--acts of love, justice, and kindness should make us continually visible.

That homily, that day marked the first time I had ashes smeared on my forehead. It was and is and outward symbol that I am sinful and messy. I like the idea of acknowledging that, of confessing that. 

I walked away from the service this morning with ashes in the shape of a cross on my forehead. It caught some by surprise who didn't attend the service. It actually caught me by surprise the first time I saw myself in the mirror. The ashes were dark and imposing, even though my hair covered a portion of the cross. 

This is the first year in a long time that I hadn't decided what to sacrifice for Lent. I stopped drinking Diet Coke in January, so that's out. I've been quite disciplined in my nutrition lately, so that seems too easy. Of course I could give up social media, but that seems so cliche. I prayed about it throughout the day. The one question I continued to dwell on throughout the day is: how will I wake up different on Resurrection Sunday?

This is the first time I won't sacrifice something, rather I'll add a spiritual discipline. On Easter I want to wake up knowing Christ more, loving Him more, hoping to be more Christ-like. Though this has been accomplished over the past few years by sacrifice during Lent, over the next 40+ days, I'll focus on my relationship with Christ. I'll be more structured than simply reading my bible passage for the day. I'll read and journal, pray and meditate on the Word. If you don't typically observe Lent, this is an easy, non-scary way to jump in. Here are a few resources that you might find useful: Journey to the Cross, The Gospel Coalition; She Reads Truth; Ann Voskamp; Praying Lent, Creighton University.

"Lent isn't about forfeiting stuff as much as it is about spiritual formation."

--Ann Voskamp

march goals

In January, I set out with the goal of being diligent. It is my one word for the year. Mainly because I like to resort to lazy. I can't think of anything I enjoy more than sitting on my couch, watching television for hours on end. I mean, I like doing other things, but binge-watching a series on a weekend is my favorite thing ever. This is only an issue because of everything else in life. We like to have friends and meals and clean clothes and clean sheets and a picked up house. On top of that, there's a job that makes me do things like get dressed every day. 

I've been super focused on nutrition the past couple of months. So of course I feel that everything else is crumbling because of the planning and cooking and cleaning. On Saturday, I was overwhelmed at the thought of every cabinet and drawer and closet that needs to be sorted. I'm at the point where I'm just tired of STUFF being in my house. I feel certain I'm not the only one who does this, right? So I started what I'll call the Everything-Must-Go Purge of Spring 2014. And you know that means things look worse. Because in a purge, things get much, much worse before they get better. Now there are piles in the floor of my bedroom and living room. And the great debate begins: donate or garage sale. Because I could use some cash for new flooring. But it's just so much work. Hashtag: first world problems.

In March, I'll be working through the Great Purge. Here are some other things I'd like to do, remaining diligent throughout:

1. read three books

2. walk the azalea trail

3. see Veronica Mars (the movie)

4. purge 200 items

5. visit tiger creek wildlife refuge

the day we all hoped for

Today, March 3, is a snow/ice day in east Texas. Again, in March. Cuh-razy. You should know that all winter we hoped for an unplanned day off--a snow/ice day--but it never happened. It snowed/iced to the north, south, east and west, but never in Tyler. It was so very disappointing. Every almost snow/ice day I wanted to throw a tantrum when I had to dry my hair, put on my makeup and get dressed.

To say that I'm excited is an understatement. I've had two cups of coffee and have a second pot brewing. I'm currently watching kelly & michael in my pajamas, under a blanket, hair pulled on top of my head, my sweet puppy snuggled close. I just tossed some steel cut oats on top of the ice for the birds so that they don't starve today. And I tried to take a picture to share, but it looks less than spectacular.

Side note: my computer has been dying a very slow death. It's about nine years old. And it's a Dell, so it's lived about 7.5 years longer than life expectancy. Apparently it's the most sturdy Dell on the planet because I can't break it, even when I try. [Not that I've tried...if my husband reads this.] Currently the sound is on mute, but there's static-y noise coming through the speakers, so as I type it sounds like Morse code or that something--or someone--is trying to communicate with me through a dying Dell computer. I'm not sure who that would be, but they like to communicate mostly through the keys on the right side of the keyboard. 

During the snow/ice storm last night, the lights flickered a few times and the cable went out for about 20 minutes. Which. Oh my word! The Oscars were on. Now, I've only seen two of the nominated movies: Gravity and Despicable Me 2, but I love the Oscars. And I didn't want to miss Ellen hosting. Thankfully, we were spared.

Today, I'm catching up on the DVR and continuing the Great Purge of 2014 that I started on Saturday. I'll drink lots of coffee. And make sure the birds have plenty of food.

december goals

december goals:

1. celebrate well

2. run / walk four times per week

3. see six movies

This month, I want to celebrate well. It's so important to me to prepare my heart for Christmas. I began celebrating advent about four years ago. Now, I can't imagine not taking time each day to focus on the coming of Christ. This year, I'm following along with She Reads Truth. Each day, along with scripture, is a devotional and an advent action. I've been reading along and journaling each day. It really is a special time. I feel like these scriptures are new, even though I've read them each at least a dozen times. If you haven't ever observed advent in preparing your heart for Christmas--or if you just haven't started this year, feel free to follow along with She Reads Truth! 

In addition to Christmas, Jeremy celebrates his birthday in December. I make a very concerted effort each year not to let his birthday celebration meld into Christmas. He actually has an exam the day before and the day after his birthday, so much of the celebration will be pushed to the weekend. But we'll have a great dinner and birthday cake on his birthday!

Let's be honest, I'm not always the best with follow through. It's a flaw. I often have the best intentions, but lack motivation after a couple of weeks. BUT I'm really, really going to attempt run-slash-walking [at least] four times per week. This in an attempt to counteract all of the delicious treats during the holiday season. Although I'd like to do this outside, I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to breathing deeply in the cold, so I have two options for going inside.

At the beginning of the year, we made a goal to see twelve movies together. So far we've seen six or seven. We've gotta make six movies this month! Jeremy will be finished with school next Thursday, so we'll for sure see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug next weekend. Also on my list: Catching Fire, Philomena, Frozen, Saving Mr. Banks.

-ing

The past two weeks have been crazy. Of the ten business days, I was in the office for half of them. For the other half, I was on a bus with dozens of students. Two days with freshmen; three days with juniors. We visited seven college campuses and watched several movies. Because what else do you do for hours at a time on a bus? We traveled well over 1000 miles. But now? I'm home. And we're on Thanksgiving Break! Yesterday I desperately wanted to decorate for Christmas, but I forced myself to do nothing. Well, except for a visit to the grocery store, barn sale and salon. So here's what I'm up to:

::ADORING::

I participated in a couple of adoption fundraisers on Instagram (same family, two fundraisers). Each time, I paid $5 to send and receive a gift from someone. Most recently, I received my Christmas Exchange package. And OH MY GOSH. It was wonderful. I received on a day that was just crazy. And I hit the exchange jackpot! My super sweet exchange partner went above and beyond! Katy scoured my IG feed, noticed a few repeated themes and ran with it! I received my first coffee cozy (knitted by Katy) (or maybe crocheted?), the most adorable mini-dachshund hoop, felt donut ornaments (with supplies and instructions for me to create a couple more!) and a frame with several coffee prints to be changed as often as necessary (though that one seems quite perfect). 

::COOKING::

I decided that I should be able to cook lots this week. I planned a few meals and grabbed groceries. First up? Chicken & dumplings.You should know that I make really good chicken & dumplings. But I found a new recipe that I wanted to try.

If you grew up with a grandmother who made chicken & dumplings, then you know there are two teams: Team Fluffy Dumpling and Team Slick Dumpling. Grandmothers make only one version. Mine made slick dumplings. She had no use for fluffy dumplings. And I didn't either. (Because I'd never had them.) But I found a recipe that piqued my interest. The picture from this blog made them look not-too-fluffy. So I decided to give them a go. 

OH MY WORD. Y'all. They fluffed up nicely, but then they started to dissolve. Dissolve! For a pot of dumplings, there were only about a dozen semi-cooked dumplings when I pulled them off of the heat. 

Never again. Never. again. I'm sure my grandmother rolled in her grave when I decided to make a fluffy dumpling. I was left with a pot of dumpling broth, 12 semi-cooked dumplings, a huge mess of a kitchen and takeout from Jason's Deli. I vow to never stray from the recipe I've always used.

::READING::

The Funeral Dress | Susan Gregg Gilmore

I've enjoyed Gilmore's The Improper Life of Bezellia Grove and Looking for Salvation at the Dairy Queen, so I was excited when her next book released. I'm only a few chapters in, but so far, I really like it.

The Lumby Lines | Gail Fraser
The Mitford Series is one of my all-time favorite series. I found the Lumby Series and hope that it is as enjoyable, though it's been a rough start. (I've actually read the first three chapters several times, as I let so much time lag between readings.)

::CREATING::
As part of the adoption fundraiser (mentioned above), I created something Christmas-y to send to my Christmas Exchange friend. Here's the deal, I consider myself to be creative. But I don't create regularly, so it leaves me with a lack of confidence. So I mulled over what I would make. (The gift had to be handmade.) I decided to recreate felt hand-stitched ornaments that I made in college. I also did a very simple calendar and found some cute chalkboard tags. I'm sending it out tomorrow. It's a week late, so I hope she's super gracious. And that she loves her exchange.

november, so far

It's mid-November. Which is a bit unreal. The leaves have changed and are falling from their branches. Caramel and cinnamon and pumpkin have made an annual appearance. Oddly, we've had two nights of frost that claimed my beautiful fall mum. But these frosty mornings make for a beautiful drive to work. The fields are shimmery with white that disappears as the sun makes an appearance.

Never one to wish time away, I'm always excited for November. Days are cooler, which makes for cozy clothes of tights and sweaters and boots. And nights come sooner, which makes for cozy nights with soup and hot chocolate and pajamas.

Over the weekend, I made the decision to decorate my mantle for fall, making the change from Halloween. I debated since I'll decorate for Christmas in just a couple of weeks, and I'll be gone for about five days. I didn't know if the effort would the worth it. But you know what? It was. I did very little, but it's nice to have the change from Halloween. And it makes my pumpkin-scented candle even sweeter.

On Sunday, J and I headed to Dallas for a concert. We thought we bought tickets to a Lord of the Rings concert. You know, they'd play some of the themes from the movie for a couple of hours, and we'd head home. Then I decided to read about it the night before. We actually watched the movie while an orchestra and choir performed the score. SO MUCH BETTER than we ever expected. We both caught things we'd never noticed before. And it was my first time to see LOTR after watching The Hobbit, so even more things made sense. So, so good.

Before the concert, we were able to meet up with our sweet friends, Steven and Christine and their daughter, Luci Belle. We hadn't seen them in months. Let me tell you two things. One: if you live in Dallas, you must check out their farmstore, Urban Acres. They're open on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And it's adorable and local and organic and fresh. Two: we had the best lunch that was cooked by Steven, all with ingredients from Urban Acres. Butternut squash soup drizzled with balsamic vinegar and grilled cheese on amazing sourdough bread with a fig jam and two kinds of goat cheese, perfectly grilled with just the right amount of butter. I chose to dip my sandwich in the soup, and it wasn't a bad decision at all. I attempted to recreate this meal last night, but the cheese and fig jam weren't the same. I'll be back in Dallas for Christine's baby shower this weekend, and I intend to purchase exactly what I need at Urban Acres.

This picture is stolen straight from Urban Acres' Instagram. Look for the chicken on the red building. You won't miss it. See the guys on the left side of the building? They're installing a deck. You can grab a sandwich for lunch and eat on the deck, and then follow it with a scoop of Jeni's Ice Cream.

So, that's our November, so far. I feel certain there will be more to share as the month continues.

Tuesday Things

1. This weekend Jeremy and I went to Dallas for a date. We got dressed up-ish and we went to see The Book of Mormon. Oh, y'all. It is so good, but SO bad. It's written by the creators of South Park, if that gives you an idea of what it might be like. The entire theater was in fits of laughter throughout the 3 hours. And there was lots of silent laughter. Because it was just that funny.


2. After the show, we went to dinner at Abacus. It was a treat, and might just be one of my favorite restaurants now. A high school friend is one of the sous chefs. And he can cook! Now, we didn't get one picture of us. But I did take pictures of our food. So typical. I had the best salmon I've ever had. And J loved, loved, loved the duck.

I've decided that I want some copper cups as Moscow Mules are my new favorite cocktail. Isn't that cup just dreamy?

And then, THEN, our sweet chef-friend sent us a treat. It's an ode to Elvis: honey wheat toast, bacon marmalade, caramelized banana, foie gras (!), marion berry jam and peanut butter butter. Oh em gosh. (That's an ode to The Book of Mormon.) It was so very delicious. Even J, who isn't a lover of liver, loved it. Honestly, I hoped he wouldn't like it so I could eat it all, but it was so good he converted. (Which didn't happen after watching BOM. Thank goodness.)

(I really didn't try to do the whole converted thing [see above]. It just happened. And I'm so proud!)

3. I think I finally have a vision for our bedroom. After 2.5 years of living in the land of neutral--which I abhor--I have some inspiration.

I cannot find the original source of this picture. I wish I could. I'm dying to know where the bedspread is from! 

I love the pink with the orange border. Such a fun pop of color!

I love the light colored walls, and since we don't have a whole lot of natural light, I think it will brighten up our room. I might do a blue-tinted white. I have a DIY idea for the bed skirt. And we have a linen bedspread, which I really like, but it's a khaki color. I told J that I'm going to bleach it. Ahh! I hope it works! If not, it's not like I'd use it anyway. I typically don't use curtains since we have plantation shutters, but I might just to add some texture. I plan on taking out the ceiling fan since we have a mini air conditioner in the bedroom. (It's just as great as it sounds; thank you, former owners!) And one day--hopefully soon--we'll have some pretty wood floors in our bedroom. I'm hoping I love it as much as I think I will!

4. Finally, I found the perfect recipe for a quick chocolate cake fix. You should know my favorite dessert in the world is chocolate cake. To be more specific: my mom and mother-in-law both make amazing chocolate cake. Both very different, but both TO DIE FOR. I've actually had chocolate cake from all over the world and none compare. Since I don't bake, but love chocolate cake, from time to time I make mug cakes for dessert, hoping that it will be a fix when I want chocolate cake. Mostly, they're just OK; often they're dry and a bit tasteless, but for some reason, I just keep trying. And I found one that is so incredible! Even J was impressed. You really should try this Nutella Lava Mug Cake.

Nutella Lava Mug Cake | Honest Cooking

the end of summer

Just so you know, I've started two posts lamenting the end of summer. But I never posted them. And now? I'm done. Just like everyone else who lives in a climate that feels like the outer gates of Mordor.

(My husband will be so proud of that reference.)

(Also, remind me to tell you about the time I watched Star Trek Wars.)

I think it's like this every year. Summer starts drawing to a close, and I don't want it to end. I love hot weather and summer foods, time away from home and late nights. I'm not sure if it still plays, but years ago, Country Time Lemonade had commercial about the end of summer. As I remember, the narrator--in his country accent, of course--told us that summer was drawing to a close as the camera overlooked a pond or lake with the sun low in the sky. I never liked that commercial much. That commercial makes my soul ache for summer to never end.

And if I'd posted one of the two original drafts? Well, you'd know that I was aching for this season to stay. This summer was a good time in our marriage because we just aren't busy. But now a new normal is setting in. One where we wake early and gather back at home for dinner, except for the nights when J has class.

(But this is IT. The last semester of those darn CPA classes!)

We're one week into this new normal. Which means one week closer to Christmas break. (And J being finished!) Our calendars are filling up with fall birthday parties, weddings, baby showers and holiday parties (!). So now I'm ready for summer to end. I want these hot, hot days to draw to a close. I want to celebrate with others and spend time with friends while sipping apple cider and making fall crafts. I look forward to this new season that I adore, and all that it brings.

reads for your weekend

This time last week, we were finishing brunch (and dessert) at Max Brenner in New York City. And while Max Brenner (not a person, by the way, but combined names from the two owners) is known for chocolate, we were more than impressed by our meals.

Today, though, we've settled back into routine from a week in a very hectic city. Our time there was spent soaking in almost every possible experience, and it was good, but we love home. So we greeted the weekend in our pajamas, moving from bedroom to living room with big mugs of coffee and bowls of fruit crisp topped with spoonfuls of maple yogurt. And we watched an episode of The Daytripper. This is our Saturday routine.

Today will be a day of errands. Thanks to leftovers from Jeremy's mom and my throwing together a pot of soup from frozen foods and pantry items, we've only had to grab some fresh fruit from the store. No major trips. Yet. I'm working on our meal plan for next week. After a week of some major splurges, we're craving simple, real food.

So here are some things floating around the internet that I thought you might like. (Remember I've been MIA for about a week, so these things may not be super new.) Enjoy!

engagement party | the macs
I love the parties that Jess at The Macs organizes. They're simple, but full of charm. Her tables are always so very cute with signs and mason jars and striped straws. And she always uses bunting. Always. It adds so much to a party, don't you think?

diy leather pillow tutorial | vintage revivals
I have a sewing machine, but I am not a seamstress. Somehow, though, I have a deep desire to recreate this leather pillow. The blogger actually stripped the leather from a couch destined for the dump. And it's so cute! It totally wouldn't matter if the leather is in bad shape. The pillow would look even better! So, if you're local and have a leather couch you want to discard, call me. Or text me. Or facebook me.

maple butter recipe | clinton st. baking co. via martha stewart
I'm planning to do a couple of posts on our trip to NYC. No doubt, at least one will be devoted to restaurants. We had this maple butter at Clinton Street Baking Co., poured over pancakes and again with cornbread. I would have been happy sipping it instead of coffee. If you're planning pancakes or waffles this weekend, you should make it. It's super easy and only two ingredients. Basically: melt butter; stir in maple syrup. And use real maple syrup. It's worth it. (And though I hate WalMart with all my heart, I sometimes hit up Sam's Club for a good deal on maple syrup.)

a 101 update

Last November, I created a 101 in 1001 list. (It's 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days.) You can find it here. It's been a lot of fun to cross things off of the list and work on others that take time. There's such a sense of accomplishment--which is fantastic for this list-maker extraordinaire!

After I hit publish, people in my every day life talked about it. Although mostly forgotten at this point, it was a topic brought up pretty regularly. Most were super supportive of the list. I was shocked, though, by people who were negative about the list, doubting that this list could ever be completed. And maybe it can't, but I've learned a lesson to always be supportive of goals that others have, even if I perceive them as unrealistic.

So here are the things that are completed:

17. Complete a puzzle with the hubs
We did this around the first part of January. We're nerds in many, many ways, including liking puzzles. We just rarely do them. But this year we instituted a no-screen Monday, meaning that we don't watch TV or use computers on Monday nights. Instead we read or play games.

23. Participate in a Turkey Trot
I really wasn't expecting to complete this run so early after forming the list. It's probably best to train for a 5K, or at least have run in the past few months. Or years. But there was no preparation when I received an email from my friend, Stefani, asking if I'd be interested in being the fourth person in a team with two other friends. I agreed, knowing that walking was an option. My only goal was not to be the last person to cross the finish line. And to run across the finish line. Stefani, Lora, Alaina and I were a team for the Turkey Trot. Thankfully, Lora had recently had a baby, so I was able to run slash walk with her. We'd set a point and run, and then walk for a while, and then repeat.

27. Try a new hair color
This one is complete enough for me, even though I'm sure it wasn't super noticeable to others! I mean, really, I don't even have a picture that would show any major difference. In the fall, I decided I go darker. My super stylist put some darker blonde and red in my hair. I liked in the salon and when I got home. But then I saw a picture of myself, and it wasn't me. I was born blonde, and I'll forever be a blonde. (Even though I need a bit of help to be as light as I like.)

34. Wash my face every night for 30 days
Ugh. I did this once. It was painstaking. Here's my confession: I wash my face 4-5 nights a week. The other nights I use a wipe on it, leaving my eye makeup in place. I was hoping to see a huge difference in 30 days, and even continued to about 45 days, but there wasn't one. I'm not convinced it totally necessary. But if you have evidence to the contrary, please feel free to share.

35. Successfully give up something for Lent
Diet Coke. Boom.

38. Order personalized note cards
I designed and ordered these from VistaPrint. They're super cute.

39. Have a blog makeover
I did, and I love it!

42. Develop a budget
We live within our means, but never had a firm budget. Now we do. We don't do an envelope system or determine that only x amount can be spent on groceries/gas/utilities, but we have a maximum amount to spend each month.

43. Stick to budget for 3 months
Done! Yea!

45. Set-up monthly draft for tithe
We support several missionaries, but weren't giving any money to our local church. Supporting both missionaries and the church is important to us. It was something we'd meant to do, but we never remembered at a good time. Now it's done.

46. Insure engagement/wedding ring
Over four years after having a ring put on it, said ring is insured. Finally. I live in a state of anxiety anytime something valuable isn't insured, so this really helps. We certainly can't afford to replace it should something happen. (A diamond did fall out of my wedding band, but my jeweler replaced it at no cost. Hallelu!)

47. Choose an investment
I have a retirement plan that's aggressive. (I really don't know what that means or if I used the correct terminology, but my money is in lots of places: stocks, bonds, other stuff.) Jeremy also has money in various stocks. One wasn't making anything, so we pulled the money and invested it in something of my choosing. I like that we're making a little more money this way!

That's about half of what I've completed. I'll share more next week! Some will take longer to complete, but there's still a steady stream of accomplishment.

reads for your weekend

● travel keepsake kits | martha

[I have such a hard time tossing out little keepsakes from our vacations, and let's be honest, I haven't scrapbooked in at least 10 years. And I only have a total of about five unfinished pages because I'm so indecisive. So, I love this idea! Throw all of the ticket stubs and brochures in a box? Done! If only the boxes weren't $17 each.]

● get ready for all those babies | marv knox

[If you don't read anything else, read this. It's that good. Don't let the fact that it's from The Baptist Standard throw you like it almost did me. I was all but screaming "yes!" the entire time!]

“If Texans’ conservative moral values prompt our state to implement one of the nation’s most stringent abortion codes, then we should accept the responsibility for all those babies we will bring into the world. We need to do right by them.

That means both enacting better laws and public programs that protect women and children, make certain no child goes hungry and ensure our young people receive quality education. And don’t dare claim that’s the job of the church, and the state should butt out. The church has demonstrated its unwillingness to rise to the occasion, and the enormity of the task is about to multiply.” 

● what if jesus is saying it's okay to pay for things that are against your religion? | rachel marie stone

[This is extremely thought-provoking. Companies are fighting HHS whole-heartedly because the owners are staunchly opposed to covering contraception. Conviction is a good thing, but where will fighting to avoid paying for these convictions end? Read this. Think about it.]

“As others have pointed out, it’s pretty problematic to allow conscience exceptions for ANY organization or individual that has ‘religious or moral’ objections to paying for ‘mandated drugs and services.’ Can religious groups who object to blood transfusions refuse to pay on religious grounds? Those who object to vaccinations? In a society with many religions, (and many ‘nones,’) all kinds of exceptions could soon overwhelm any piece of legislation…

Where I pause is when ‘religious liberty’ gets defined as ‘I shouldn’t have to pay for something I disagree with.’ The contraceptive mandate may feel or seem more ‘direct’ than the taxes that pay for the boxes of Depo-Provera in Malawi and elsewhere, but it amounts to much the same thing: a government-mandated outlaying of money in accordance with certain laws. A tax.

‘Render unto Caesar’ applies here. Whose image is on that dollar bill? Uncle Sam’s. So give unto Uncle Sam what belongs to Uncle Sam. And, yes, whether at home or abroad, Uncle Sam will probably use your dollar bills to pay for things that contradict something your religion teaches. My understanding of my religion includes the importance of caring for the earth and not taking human life, but my taxes subsidize oil companies, fund unjust wars, and pay for the injections used in the execution of people on death row.

I despise that.”

tuesday things

:: A couple of week ago at Target, I saw the cutest mason jar insulated mug. I made a mental note to purchase it at a later date. When I went to Target while in Milwaukee last week, there was an end cap full of these super cute mason jars. I felt this was a sign from the Lord, so I bought one. Y'all. I have had so much water to drink ever! I attribute it to the cuteness, straw and handle. I decided that I needed one to keep at work, so upon my next trip to the Target in Tyler, I found that there were only FOUR left. These are popular in the South, folks. I suggest grabbing one or more.

:: When I was in Wisconsin last week, we celebrated a baby dedication for Ellery. (Don't you love that name?!) I pretty much declared that I was in charge of the food and hijacked the kitchen. We had pulled pork sliders using the pulled pork recipe from Momofuku. If you've never made pulled pork, it is so easy. You'll need a couple of days to make this recipe as it needs to sit overnight with a dry rub, but it's so worth it. We made two big crocks of mac and cheese to serve alongside the sliders. It was a great meal. And a fun party.

:: I just bought Gywneth Paltrow's new cookbook, It's All Good. And I kind of love it. I'm about to meal plan the next few weeks with recipes from the book.

:: We're completely caught up on Community and ready for season 5. If you haven't watched it, summer is a good time to hop on board. For sure some of the best writing on television.

:: Because we finished Community (Seasons 1-4) and Once Upon a Time (Season 1), along with our regular shows AND we're both addicted to Candy Crush, we decided we are, perhaps, devoting too much of our lives to technology. So we're claiming just a couple of technology nights each week. Then we'll need to read or play board games or go on walks.  Something that doesn't involve a screen.

:: One of our favorite things each summer is the Texas Shakespeare Festival. We'll make two trips, one Thursday and one Sunday to watch four different plays--two Shakespeare, a comedy and a musical. We love that this is only 45 minutes away!

my people

I spent last week in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin enjoying some wonderful community. Twelve (12!!) years ago, I went on a summer-long mission trip to Romania with a dozen people I barely knew. Scratch that. I knew one person from the previous summer in Romania. So it was eleven people I barely knew, plus one friend, in a faraway land for eight weeks. We spent our days loving on babies in a couple of orphanages and sharing our stories with each other. Our evenings and weekends were spent over meals and ice cream at McDonald's and years-old movies in theaters and walks and adventures to nearby cities and a "water park" that likely exposed us all to some deadly amoeba with it's still, murky water.

In the years that have passed, a majority have remained in contact, adding spouses along the way. We've rejoiced at weddings and births and adoptions and jobs and experiences. We've laughed together until some of us have--perhaps--had to change pants. I'm not sure on that. Someone else was telling me about it. And then we've cried together and mourned with each other loss of life and consequences of sin. We've prayed over each other and for each other. We've made it through some good and some bad. And still we remain a community.

I consider these people some of the closet in my life. Only we're spread across the state and country and even between continents. Because of the hundreds--and thousands--of miles separating us, we often dream of developing a compound. It's such a grand thought to be surrounded with such dear friends. To really do life together.

(Sure, it'd be hard. And there's absolutely no way I could "live off the grid" as Patti and I once planned as part of a compound. If you know me, you know that I don't like dirt. I don't really even like the beach. Because sand equals dirt. I can't handle it. So, for me, that pretty much rules out the gardening component of living off the grid.)

For these people, I am thankful. Thankful to laugh and cry, rejoice and mourn. Thankful to share without judgement and to be forgiven. Thankful for wisdom and encouragement offered by the many. Thankful that even if weeks or months go by, we pick up right where we left off. Thankful that our friendships are made from the stuff that counts.

Although only three of us were able to gather this time, 

here are a few links to blogs of these special people 

(or a spouse that we would have gladly had on our trip):

Christine

Michelle

Allison

tuesday things

1. I've had more blackberries in the past three days than the past year. J's aunt picked about 4 pints for us. They're delicious. Some are sweet; some are tart. Other than eating them plain, they're wonderful in a bowl with a bit of milk or cream splashed over them and a drizzle of maple syrup. Tonight, I'm making a blackberry buckle. It's possibly the easiest dessert recipe in the world and makes me break my no-baking policy.

2. I have been such a slacker this summer. I started off strong with grand plans of organizing and purging and working out and cooking and reading, but those have gone by the wayside. J is working on classes to become a CPA (only the credentials, not the job), and this is his first semester/summer in two years to be free. This fall will be a challenge as he'll have two really intense classes, so we've spent every evening together doing nothing except watching Community, Once Upon a Time, and Veronica Mars and playing Candy Crush on our phones. It's fabulous.

3. After I practically yanked Candy Crush from J last night, we booked tickets to New York City. I kind wanted to scream slash throw-up when we did it. Let the planning begin! I have a list of restaurants a mile long, so I should probably stop eating now to balance what we'll eat in the city.

4. I have some thoughts about the Paula Deen thing. I plan to write about it this week. Two of my favorite posts cover controversial topics. Nativity removal or presidential election, anyone? I'm still mulling it over. Check back tomorrow.

5. Have you seen the video series Conversations With My 2 Year Old? If not, you need to watch it. They're actual conversations replayed by a dad and a grown man, impersonating the 2 year old daughter. They are so funny!

tuesday things

1. I am lucky enough to have a job that I really enjoy. But in the summer, I love it even more. Although our office is open during the summer, our school follows summer hours. So, it's really like a part-time job for 10 weeks (three of which I have off). Not a bad gig for a non-teacher.

2. I've been much more motivated to cook since I only work 6 hours a day (minus a bit for lunch). Right now, I'm cooking my first brisket. If this things tastes as good as it smells, it will be a success. You should know that my brother makes mighty fine brisket. In fact, this spring he was invited with the rest of The Cherry Laurel to cook barbecue for Rick Perry, the Texas governor. So I decided that I'd try his method. Just 2.5 more hours.

3. Along with brisket, I'm going to make this recipe for esquites. My sister-in-law made it for Mother's Day, and I could have eaten just this. I think it will go well with brisket. (And if the brisket doesn't turn out, this will be good on it's own!)

4. We had the eaves of our house cleaned this weekend. We had a slight mildew issue thanks to humidity and the pine trees behind our house. The eaves look great. Unfortunately, whatever cleaning solution he used burned our newly planted vegetables and my pretty hydrangeas. I think I can trim back the burned hydrangea blossoms, but I think we have to replant all of our veggies. It makes me sick!

5. I'm in a major purging mode. I'm hopeful that my free afternoons will enable me to get our extra room unpacked this summer. If you're keeping track: we moved in over two years. Two-thirds of the room is boxes of stuff. At this point, I'm tempted to just donate the unopened boxes. I mean, if we don't know what's in them, will we miss it? Within an hour, our garage will be less one couch and two over-sized chairs. Yea!

may in review + june goals

Summer is here. And I couldn't be happier. For the most part, I love Texas in the summer. I love getting into my hot car and blasting the air conditioner. I love warm, breezy nights. Mostly, I love the slower pace of summer.

It's such a nice treat that after the busyness of May, I'm rewarded with the calm of June. My goal to blog daily (only accomplished here, here, and here) were thwarted by needing sleep or downtime or working in the yard on the weekends. Likewise, the goals I'd set for May were only partially completed. They were: 

1. Take Crickett for a walk three times a week. 

We spent more time outside, but poor Crickett was only walked a handful of times. 

By my husband. Bless him.

2. Organize one hallway closet.

OK, it wasn't a hallway closet, but it got organized. 

3. Make one new recipe.

I met this goal again and again. I read Bread and Wine in April. (You can see my Book List here.) I really enjoyed it and decided to actually cook the recipes in it. Novel idea, huh? I made: Breakfast Cookies, Brannon's Caesar Salad, Annette's Enchiladas, Basic Risotto, Blueberry Crisp (twice) and Nigella's Flourless Chocolate Brownies. 

4. Workout four times per week.

So, I joined a gym. And the next day, I had buyer's remorse because the gym has approximately two classes per week. Plus one that costs an extra $80 per month. I like classes. Thankfully, I read my contract and figured out that I could cancel it within 72 hours via certified letter. Done. Still on the hunt for a gym. 

5. Develop a prayer calendar to use with J.

And make praying with him a priority.

We have a printed calendar and have talked about a plan of attack. This remains on the list. 

6. No fast food.

I ate at Subway twice. I'm choosing not to count it as fast food since I could have made the sandwich at home. But there was not Whataburger, Taco Bell or Chicken Express. Success.

7. Buy new athletic shoes.

8. Finish reading Freefall to Fly.

For June, I want to continue what I'd started in May, but didn't complete. I also plan to add some items from my 101 in 1001 list. Here's what I'd like to do in June:

1. Walk Crickett three times per week.

2. Workout three times per week.

3. Develop a prayer calendar to use with J.

And make praying with him a priority.

4. Make homemade mozzarella cheese. 

5. Change light fixtures in hallways.

a saturday post

This is the day I set as my goal upon my return from Easter break. I knew that the weeks in between would be packed full of lists and decisions, accomplishment and success, and a few bumps along the way. But mostly I knew that at 6:30pm on Saturday, May 18, life would become a bit more normal.

Last night I hosted a group of friends from my life group for a craft night. It was fun. It's literally been years since I've been that crafty for that long. As per usual, I only finished one project (out of four). It happened to be the project I brought everyone to make: gardener's sugar hand scrub. It was for sure the most simple project that involved stirring two ingredients. But the result is a perfect blush pink. And it smells great.

From there, as the other girls continued with projects, it was downhill for me. I started two others, but as usual became completely overwhelmed in the decision-making process. When I finally decided just to start one, I wound up painting the canvas with a thick layer of paint that halted all other progress since it took approximately forever to dry. Then I decided to start a notepad project that involved Mod Podge-ing scrapbook paper to the cover of a notepad. Simple enough, huh? Except that it took me at least 20 minutes to decided which papers to use. I made the first cut. It was off. My OCD couldn't handle it. I made a second cut. It worked. I glued it in place and let it dry a bit before continuing. Then I decided I wasn't happy with that paper. Back to the drawing board. Only at that point I was tired and a bit defeated since it was obvious I wouldn't be finishing any other projects. Thankfully, my friend left an outline of Texas for me to continue my canvas painting.

Even after a cup of coffee at 9pm, I was exhausted. As we tucked into bed, we remembered to shut the doors between our bedroom and bathroom. It's not a habit, but in order to sleep in on Saturdays, it's necessary. The light from the east floods our bathroom and spills into our bedroom, making it impossible to sleep past 7am on Saturday.

This morning was slow and quiet. J made coffee; I made blueberry muffins. Our Saturday morning routine is breakfast in the living room while watching television. If you'll remember, we don't have cable. I recently discovered that the PBS channel is free. (Umm, that opens up a whole new world of options.) We love, love The Daytripper. And are able to watch it through the PBS channel. So we watched a couple of episodes, and then caught up with New Girl. (Which, ohmygosh! Hilarious and super-satisfying season finale!)

While J got ready for an afternoon of Star Trek, I pulled a few weeds from the flower beds. Once I had enough of that and watered my hydrangeas, I headed back inside. After some quick meal-planning, I handed the grocery list to J as he left for the afternoon. Now to decide what to wear to graduation, if I should fix my hair curly or straight, and if I want the discomfort, but height, of heels with the faculty graduation gown.

(If you'll remember, the decision-making is where I stalled last night.)

And then at 6:30, I should be headed home. J is in charge of dinner. He has plans of grilled chicken and veggies. It sounds perfect.

Tomorrow I intend to hit those flower beds again. Make burgers for lunch. Read. And find out what in the world is making such a stink in my refrigerator. Because life will have returned to normal.

stopping the busy

I am busy. Too busy. Some can't be avoided as it is work-related, and there will always be an ebb and flow. But some can be avoided. It's just that I'm often too cowardly to say no. I do not like when people are unhappy with me. It's easier to say yes and avoid the disappointment of others. But then I find myself in a frenzy. I find myself frantic.

This busyness is overwhelming. Jumping from one thing to the next. Checklist after checklist made. Hoping not to let the balls drop from each project. Hoping that if I've missed something, I can cover and come up with a solution. And, more, hoping that those I must rely on will pull through on the important things. The things that won't be overlooked.

This busyness is frustrating. With too many balls in the air, if one is thrown just a little off, it can make me crumble. This week at work, the copier jammed. Tears spilled over. And then laughter because OH MY GOSH it's just a copier jam. I explained to my coworkers that it was a tough day. One demanded I get out of the office, and she would clear the jam and make my two copies. This is the busyness that is unavoidable. But it will pass. And until then, I have friends at work who take things from me when needed.

This busyness is consuming. I constantly think about all I need to get done. Ready for each day to be over so that it's one less day of busyness. Hoping to finally cross off an entire to do list. All the while keeping my house somewhat picked up and figuring out how to make the simplest meals, hoping we have leftovers in the refrigerator. I hate living life like that.

This busyness is annoying. I will not glorify this busyness. I try not to talk about it too much. My life is more than six weeks of busyness. But I recognize that once I get frantic, my relationships are strained. I'm not present like I should be.

Earlier in the week, a favorite author, Shauna Niequist, wrote for Storyline blog. And I wanted to give it a slow, standing ovation. She wrote about living a less-frantic life,

I’m adopting a ruthless anti-frantic policy. I’m done with frantic. The new baseline for me: will saying yes to this require me to live in a frantic way? I’m saying no more often than I’m saying yes. I’m asking hard questions about why I’ve kept myself so busy all these years. 

As summer approaches, I want to practice living a less frantic life. I want to be present in my relationships. I will have to be intentional in saying yes--or no. I want love well those around me. I want to have conversations that don't include a portion of my checklist. I want to have meals and jars of tea and dessert with those close to me. I want to be less frantic.